We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all

That's one fear I can't say that I own.

Most women (and men..especially men) shut down after they have been hurt.

People get their little heart screwed over a time or two and are so resistant to anything that comes toward them.

I'm not afraid to get my heart broken. Before, Like any human I was fearful of the idea because I never experienced it. I was scared of pain, I heard the horror stories, saw my friends deal with broken hearts and the tears and pain they experienced and just knew that if it was to happen to me I'd throw in the towel.

I didn't. 

My heart was basically tossed into a garbage disposal and all that did was make me fearless with my emotions. I don't believe anyone could hurt me to that capacity again for one, and if they do, I know that I can and will mos def GET OVER IT. I cried, and was sad and whatever else comes with being hurt but time didn't stop for me, and it won't stop for you. If anything it will make things easier.

Its been nearly 2 years, I'm as good as new, with no reservations or fears that the next will be a reincarnation of my ex. Stop making excuses, life is entirely too short for that. People always choose to be afraid of the one person who'd never hurt them anyway. Defeats the whole purpose and starts a terrible cycle of bitter and terrified individuals. I wish the rest of the world would view negative situations as a speed bump and not a compete road block. Don't give up on being happy, your only hurting yourself by trying to "protect" your heart. think about it. 

Not to expose your true feelings to an adult seems to be instinctive from the age of seven or eight onwards

I really prefer to not discuss feelings. Not prematurely at least.

I strongly believe that since "feelings" are something we FEEL,  we should display it through our actions.  that way the other person can FEEL it as well. I could easily tell you I "feel" anything, but if my actions don't match my words, it's too simple to say I have "deceived" you. I'm not one for deception.

Now, there is a time of course where you do have that simple talk to analyze your feelings with someone just to ensure your on the same page. It is somewhat mandatory depending on what your situation may be. I just don't care to discuss it too soon, or too often. Mainly, because half the time I don't believe we as people know exactly what we feel && trying to put emotion into words may be one of the most complex things the human mind can attempt to accomplish. Not to mention if your conveying of it falls too short or too heavy of what it really is, OR if the other person interprets it differently.  Individuals appear to be afraid to be on a different level emotionally than the person they are involved with. It's almost as if it suddenly becomes a power struggle. && you are no longer on the same team trying to enjoy each other. Your main focus is now to get someone to feel a certain way (more or less) for you. It's a downhill spiral from there.

Just think it doesn't need to be discussed unless it REALLY needs to be discussed.

& when it does, you better be damn accurate.

Idk maybe this is one of those things you have to understand to understand.

I am a true alternative. And I love being the outcast. That's my role in life, to be an outcast

I'm an emotional outcast.

The way my emotions function are completely different from most females. I've always been this way and sometimes it's difficult, because I wish I had someone who I could relate to. Women are known as these emotional beings, who wear their heart on their sleeves, and do all this stereotypical ish in display of their feelings.

I don't fit that description.

I wasn't raised to where crying is acceptable. It didn't get anything accomplished. If something upset my father he G'd that ish up and handled it. Therefore, if something upsets me, I G it up and I handle it. It's all I know. I rarely cry. I don't really cry at all honestly. Especially now that I'm older.

I'm an emotional outcast.

When it comes to guys, I don't get super clingy attached and affected by everything he does. In fact, it takes a lot for me to really catch feelings for someone. I don't believe in tossing the word "like" around easily either. I don't crush a lot. I don't feel the need to always have a male in my life. When I do he's pretty free, if he says he's gonna call and he doesn't. I don't get upset. If something petty happens it's usually overlooked because it's not a big deal for me to be salty over. If I don't have a guy in my life, I'm not bitter. I'm not jealous of my friends who do either. I actually never really get lonely.

I'm an emotional outcast.

I wish I had other female friends who were like this. Sometimes I feel as though maybe somethings wrong with me. lol. No but seriously. I wonder if I'm the one thats broken because I'm not really that emotional and sensitive? Don't get me wrong, when I do develop feelings for someone they are legit and cute and wtfever the situation may be. I'm just not the way other girls are. That usual "girlie" type reaction to their emotions. It makes it hard for me in my friendships because they don't really fully understand how certain things that would CLEARLY upset them, doesn't bother me at all. It also leaves me not having anyone to talk to sometimes because they don't quite understand. && often with them, I don't understand.

I'm an emotional outcast.

Although, this does have it's "lone star" side to it. I find it also very beneficial. I'm rare. A lot of guys seem to gravitate to me, and really appreciate that I am the way that I am, they consider it a breath of fresh air after dealing with over-emotional women. This isn't always on a "tryna pursue me" type of level. At times they just want to talk and vent and make sure that as a guy they aren't the one that's in the wrong. I guess it makes me easier to talk to and be around? I'm not sure. I enjoy being alternative.

eh..

I'm an emotional outcast..& maybe thats my role.

I don't believe in depriving myself of any food or being imprisoned by a diet.

I'm a little person.

Not as in a short little person.

I'm a slender lady. 

I'd take any term besides skinny / bony or frail. 

And with me being small, (genetically) I enjoy to eat. I eat a lot. I think about food a lot, and I love to cook.

but I HATE, despise & loathe..anything fat free, sugar free, reduced fat, 1% fat, 2% fat etc.

This past month I've been staying with my Grandparents until it's time for me to go home and the house is FULL of that stuff. Which is understandable, they are older people &  have to watch their sugars and fats. So when I finally got the opportunity to go food shopping for MYSELF. I only return home to discover that I have accidentally purchased Reduced fat oreos, light ice cream, & sugar free pudding.

WTF. WHY DOES THAT EVEN EXIST?!

WHY? 

I know it may appear as though I'm over reacting and that it's not that serious, but it is. I've never quite understood the whole "making fatty foods easier thing". I'm not saying this because I'm small and I don't understand "Bigger Struggles" I'm saying it because it's just pointless. If someone is looking to keep their fats and sugars down they shouldn't eat fatty sugary food. The End. && If they do, then go hard with that shxt. eff it. I feel if you are a person who is trying to monitor your weight and you eat healthy regularly, workout frequently...you should be able to enjoy some regular damn ice cream && it won't kill you. Everyone knows this. Especially since I'm going into the field of medicine I'm aware that a cupcake won't kill you if you are serious about eating correctly in your daily routine.  NOW. when your trying to go the other way and say "your on a diet" but you just fill up your fridge with the same stuff I do..but justify it because it has "reduced fat, low sugar etc. etc" your cheating. && your pissing me off. I don't care how others balance their diets.

But I'm not on one. When I go buy ice cream, I shouldn't have to check to make sure it's regular. That shouldn't be a rare thing to find for me. 

Does this post make me an insensitive "Skinny Bitch"?

Maybe.

Do I give a fuxk?..nah not at all.

Is there anyone so wise as to learn by the experience of others?

Lately, (as usual) a few of my friends have called me with their problems that they have either wanted to vent about or were seeking advice for. *deep sigh* I don't like becoming too involved in my friends situations because when they seek advice and I give it, they don't listen anyway..and it comes back to bite them in the ass. It takes a lot to not say "I told you so". I don't speak out of my ass. I don't just randomly provide advice for situations I haven't been through. Some things in life really are black & white. It takes for you to watch plenty of other people go through the same routine to understand that over & over that particular situation has & will always end the SAME WAY. When I was younger I realized that if i can be wise enough to learn from the mistakes of those around me, I'd probably save myself a lot of time, tears and money. lol. Others don't think that way. Yes, experience is the best teacher, but don't put yourself through bullshit if you don't have to. ESPECIALLY when you know when those around you are advising you correctly but you prefer to be hardheaded. In defense of those who do choose to go that route I have to say...I was allowed to make my own stupid mistakes, you should be granted that same opportunity. Naturally, I'm protective of those that I love, I don't want anyone to hurt them...but I can't give them the strength I developed from experience either. They must obtain their own...

Rational beliefs bring us closer to getting good results in the real world.

I've come to realize, I'm too rational to follow my heart.

I make sense of things. I play them out in my head before I execute plans and ideas.

I remain a step ahead of everything, and with that being said.

I play my head against my heart. Simply because listening to your heart will leave you looking stupid sometimes.

I personally believe I can't go wrong if I give my brain a 65% advantage over my emotions until I'm in a situation of safety.

Then of course you have your friends telling you "noo just let go, let it blow through"

no. Thats stupid. Cause If I do it your way..my mind knows what will happen. which may be failure.

If I do it my way I play it smart and everyones happy.

Sorry, but I trust my common sense in a world full of people who seem to lack it or ignore it.

Does that make me uptight?

Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace

..TRUEST crap in the world!

You feel much more at peace when you believe situations are REALLY going to be handled and taken care of.

You read about this stuff in books and see it in movies where souls can't continue on, or cross over because they aren't at peace with something that once was in their life.

I walked around with a slight [little itty bitty-yet- fairly larger that id like to admit] block of resentment from a previous situation that just could never sit right with me because I felt they got off too easy, or because I knew whatever it was just wasn't right.

&& as a woman, I must say our instincts are BEAST.

There were people that I was turned against, and where turned against me that caused tension when there should have been any at all.

&& now that people finally see what we saw, and what we REALLY knew. & its exposed..

suddenly . . .I feel at peace.

Dulcius ex Asperis. . .

Is Latin for "Through difficulty, more sweet" it's what I'm putting on my "abstinence" ring. I put abstinence in quotes because it's not really a word I would use to describe what the ring is exactly. Not to mention, words like abstinence and celibacy are so formal and uptight sounding to me. I was searching for something to put on the ring and when I saw that it was perfect for me. I don't want of those "true love waits" blah blah kinda rings cause that's not what my ring and decision is really about. It's more so about deserving things, and putting yourself in situations where responsibility and partnership come into play. I believe if your willing to go through the difficulty of working against biology, and putting up with me on a serious level then through difficulty you may experience something more sweet. People often allow sex to confuse their situations and its difficult to see if someone is able to stick around through long haul, teaches you other ways to show your emotions so on and so forth. It also means when the ring comes off, if ever a difficult situation was to arise, together we would be able to handle it. That's just me. So until further notice... Dulcius ex Asperis.

Wishes sometimes seem to come true, don't they. . . "/

11:11, Wishing Wells, Shooting stars, Wishbones etc.

I used to do all of that growing up and I still do every now & again for the shits and giggles

and a secretly a small part of me does hope that what I wish for will come true...

I guess stuff like that just doesn't happen to girls like me..

 There is this misconception that I get everything I want...i don't.

I just have to play things off and make them seem minor when I fail.

but inside..it hurts & i'm crushed...but I could never let it show.

The things I secretly wish for when 11:11 strikes..never wish me for me back.Maybe I'm not doing it right? Maybe I don't aim my dime properly when i toss it into the fountain? Maybe I'm supposed to start my wish once the shooting star is completely gone?  I tried to believe in wishes and fairytales and magic again. . .
not for girls like me.

If something anticipated arrives too late it finds us numb, wrung out from waiting, and we feel - nothing at al

I know what I want to say regarding this, but I have no words because I feel nothing right now.

At a young age I taught myself how to stop feeling, I just learned to ask myself "why r u even trippin over this?"

&& yeah sometimes it takes a few days to kick in maybe a day or two and BAM. I'm numb.

Is it still there? Of course. . . but pride is like pain medication,

The pain is still there, but your nerves are numb so you can't feel it.

Then by time it wares off it really doesn't hurt anymore because you allowed it to run its course while your medication was in your system.

Is that a way to handle things? eh probably not. Is it easier? Yep.

Is it a weakness. Maybe, maybe not.

Do I give a fuxk.

no. not at all.

The person waiting for the right time to start never gets anywhere...

I've been searching for the right time to convey this,

because clearly I can't just not say anything like I'd like to because the [ I'd never know..]

How will I know when the right time is?

What if I wait too long in search of the right time? Will I even know what the right time will feel like?

Searching for the right time is just another way for me to stall.

Searching for the right time is what my pride is telling me to do because it doesn't want to be compromised.

So if I don't create the right time...time'll just waste and I will remain in place.