Wishes sometimes seem to come true, don't they. . . "/

11:11, Wishing Wells, Shooting stars, Wishbones etc.

I used to do all of that growing up and I still do every now & again for the shits and giggles

and a secretly a small part of me does hope that what I wish for will come true...

I guess stuff like that just doesn't happen to girls like me..

 There is this misconception that I get everything I want...i don't.

I just have to play things off and make them seem minor when I fail.

but inside..it hurts & i'm crushed...but I could never let it show.

The things I secretly wish for when 11:11 strikes..never wish me for me back.Maybe I'm not doing it right? Maybe I don't aim my dime properly when i toss it into the fountain? Maybe I'm supposed to start my wish once the shooting star is completely gone?  I tried to believe in wishes and fairytales and magic again. . .
not for girls like me.

If something anticipated arrives too late it finds us numb, wrung out from waiting, and we feel - nothing at al

I know what I want to say regarding this, but I have no words because I feel nothing right now.

At a young age I taught myself how to stop feeling, I just learned to ask myself "why r u even trippin over this?"

&& yeah sometimes it takes a few days to kick in maybe a day or two and BAM. I'm numb.

Is it still there? Of course. . . but pride is like pain medication,

The pain is still there, but your nerves are numb so you can't feel it.

Then by time it wares off it really doesn't hurt anymore because you allowed it to run its course while your medication was in your system.

Is that a way to handle things? eh probably not. Is it easier? Yep.

Is it a weakness. Maybe, maybe not.

Do I give a fuxk.

no. not at all.

The person waiting for the right time to start never gets anywhere...

I've been searching for the right time to convey this,

because clearly I can't just not say anything like I'd like to because the [ I'd never know..]

How will I know when the right time is?

What if I wait too long in search of the right time? Will I even know what the right time will feel like?

Searching for the right time is just another way for me to stall.

Searching for the right time is what my pride is telling me to do because it doesn't want to be compromised.

So if I don't create the right time...time'll just waste and I will remain in place.

Simply having children does not make mothers...

I'm kinda screwed in the mother department.

Always have been really, 2 moms and they are both kinda shitty.

Ones tryna get it together but it's hard to make up for years of shitty mommyness :/

I've always felt a missing place in my life as far as mothers go, I've never had anyone to do the things that Moms do with their daughters. I'm actually still kind of unsure of what that is exactly. I may never understand but I know that when I see my friends conduct these long convos with their Moms on the phone I become a tad envious. I'm curious as to what that is like. I want to know how it feels to go to brunch & get my toes done with my Mom.

Ive noticed that I fall in love with some of my friends mothers because they are so great in my eyes. They do things that I've never experienced but have always longed for. It's like "wow..your just like the moms on TV!" Most people don't understand me when it comes to this topic because having the mom around is pretty typical for most situations especially in black communities.

I get told all the time "well you have ur daddy, most people don't have their daddy"

Your right, and just how they have an empty space, I do too. Respect my empty space.

I refuse to let this space remain empty though. Even if it means I have to have 20 of my own children to make up for what I missed in a mother.

To be honest, I've always figured my last chance at a good "mother figure" would be in my husbands Mom.

So I pray that whoever she is, she likes me, and accepts me as her own. :)

Thats one of my life wishes.

Humankind can't bare too much reality. . .

For a superior species we are scary as hell!

We are scared of everything!

We are scared of taking chances, we are afraid to miss something, we are hesitant with life because we are constantly afraid of what we THINK we can not handle.

It's horrible.

I'm in a situation now that could be settled and probably out the way if I wasn't afraid of the "what ifs.." and what I could miss if something didn't go my way...I'm afraid of what could happen if i got the results I was looking for.

We are so fearful. Two of my friends are situations where the fear of missing something / the fear of losing something is taking control of their happiness [ and their sanity on some days ]

I wish I could find a cure for this but it's a shame we don't exude our full potential and take chances the way we should simply because we are struggling to control some aspect of our reality.

Always forgive your enemies..nothing annoys them so much

I feel that simply because I don't care for you or I choose to not fxk with you..doesn't make you my enemy

Don't assume I'm some place slandering your name, or that I have it out for you.

I don't, I promise.

I just simply don't fuxk with you, your not apart of my life or daily regement.

No, we don't even have to be cordial when we see one another.

How about we act as if we have NEVER seen each other before and call it a night?

You stay out of my way, and thats the way all of this should go :)

Don't send me your weak ass apology messages or whatever it is people do.

Not cause I don't want to hear from you but because I don't give a damn and I don't wanna hear you bitch.

Just being real, but we aren't enemies :)

Just don't fuxk wit chu..

Men cheat for the same reason a dog licks its balls..because they can.

Apparently, cheating has been the topic of discussion lately.

Which is kinda odd since its bundle & boo time but I guess things change.

Cheating is actually and extremely taboo subject in some ways.

Nobody wants to really admit their wrong, everyone wants to make justifications for their actions instead.

Hell I've been "cheated" on / had to share / and a bunch of wtf ever else was goin on.

In my situation if he we woulda just been real from the start where he wouldn't have to put himself, me or her in that situation..it woulda hurt but I would have gotten over it.

PAIN IS TEMPORARY

But Nahhhh that didn't happen.

If he would have just said "I fucked up" and left it at that.

It would have hurt, but I would have gotten over it.

PAIN IS TEMPORARY

But nope, cheaters don't do that. They want to lie to cover their ass. When they think one girl/guy is a loss for sure, they then try to throw him/her under the bus to make the "more willing to stay" girl/guy feel more comfortable and to try to justify their actions. They "attempt" to confess but only tell the prelude to the actual story..they just allow it to get messy when it doesn't have to be. [which goes back to my previous post about honesty] If you cheat. Just say "I fucked up, you stayin? you dippin? or do i need to prove myself?"

Because once you've been caught cheating I'm sure thats a pretty shitty situation for yourself and I don't even think it's fair to you as the cheater to have to perform circus tricks for their ass for another 5 months to "prove yourself" thats just draining. He/She knows if you are gonna take you back the following day. So don't waste time.

 This is the stuff that keeps the ecosystem on track though. You need a jackass or two to know when you see something good. :)

I don't lose my temper very often now, and if I do, it's well deserved. . .

I hate having to show my temper.

That means don't try me. This post is inspired by someone who hasn't learned to know better just yet.

Today someone seemed to make the terrible mistake of thinking they could speak to me as if I was their child. I simply had to correct that to ensure that we don't suffer from that misunderstanding again. Did I want to go off on them in front of whomever he decided to try me in front of? NO never of course not but if you feel you can start a sentence off with me that consist of the following "DON'T YOU EVER..!." yeah thats a sign up for a pop off. I don't even think he finished his sentence before I got started. :/ I try really hard to suppress my temper because it's in my blood, and I never wanna be the one that has to put people in their place but when I do , its cause you clearly lost your mind && I simply want to help you find it. He was wrong, he knew he was wrong and you don't approach me that way, ever. My own PARENTS don't speak to me that way..you must have life confused with bullshit.

Long story short: Don't let the size fool you. Don't let my gender fool you. Don't let my sweet, kind, happy go lucky personality fool you either. Everyone has their edge. So don't push me.